unknown

For once, I was so sure what I wanted to have in the future.
For once, I was so sure that that was the life that I'd always wanted to live
For once, I was so sure that I would be satisfied with the life that i dreamed of.

yet...

For now, I am not sure what I wanted for my life.
For now, I am not sure what is the meaning of 'dream'.
For now, I am not sure that I could do it anymore.

For now, I am not sure that I would want to live anymore.

现实、我的最恨

精神上逃离了足足一个星期了……

终于、始终、总要、回到最残酷的现实……

面对着八打灵再也的狗窝，实在是不想踏入……

感觉上，好像alice in wonderland，终究还是要跳出那兔子洞，回到真实的生活……

逃离的日子，很不好受……面对精神上的错乱 （ 俗称 痴孖根 ）、面对世俗的另类眼光、 面对不想知道的闲言闲语……

逃离的日子，慢慢地舔自己的伤口，啃食自己的想法……

在这无助的时刻，遇到了很多无形中帮助到自己的知己，无眠休地谈被埋沉的心事，与家人的认同，有了一定的解脱……

至少，我知道我不是孤单的……

好不容易，累积了一些力气，让自己慢慢的撑着不跌倒……

可， 一回到所谓的现实里，一切都瓦解了……

唉……

希望这些都会是暂时性的

也不知道，还剩下多少力气……

可以无止尽地，撑下去。

精神上逃离了的一个星期……

终于、始终、总要、终究，无可避免的，还是要回到最原始的现实……

De javu ...

feeling delighted absolutely! From all the awful weeks I had, today was the most happy moment i had! I chatted with one of my primary schoolmates whom i used to share all the drawings with. It was such a pleasant feelings to have all the memories to be refreshed...haaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..... * exhaling freely * never felt this before...It's like meeting another 'you' and someone who knew not only what you're thinking but also feeling. The refreshment arose abruptly and brings up my passion for life again....

He asked me for a movie..AWWW~~~~ date?! can you believe it? it's been a long time since i last dated!! *joyful* Just recalled a memory that I used to have a crush on this guy before... hm...should or should i not tell him about this? Suddenly i feel like being in love again.....yet, i couldn't be so rush on this feelings.....

Perhaps..... i'll wake up and remember that ...it's just a dream..........like always...

indifferent lifestyle..

IT's been hell of two weeks for me since we broke up. I've been living like a cat...not doing anything....sleep for the whole noon when i have tonnes of works to do and to submit next week...what a lazy bum i am. Can't believe that he broke up with me after 4 years saying that he still couldn't cope with my temper and my peculiar behavior. Well, same goes to me, i couldn't cope with his behavior and thinking too.

It's been two weeks we hadn't seen nor heard from each other. Since then, my temper went off track and became worse which i think it's unacceptable at all. Now, stressing out with my degree course, wondering whether should or shouldn't quit...Should i? Or should i not? It's like a never ending question and i knew all the answers myself...why is it so hard to choose...i left my courage in my dreamland. Sigh.... Sometimes, i still do think about him. Thinking that we have so much similar things that we'd done coincidentally. Yet, we have nothing much in common.. I love travel, he love movies; i  love to dream , he's realistic....

Most of the guys now are not gentlemen anymore...most of them are thin, not so tall ( not to be offensive ) where as i'm fat and short...most of them love cute girls where as i'm just so ordinary that sometimes i could be transparent.. i don't dare to put much hope on my next relationship but still hoping it would be better.. I'm just such a dreamer...

i just hope...my tattoo could give me more strength in the future...not changing my temper to be worse..but making me stronger........pray..